Humor and Comparisons

Two weeks ago I was excited to go back to school. Last week I had some complications and was suddenly worried that school this next semester wouldn't be everything I was hoping. The next day I had a bad experience with another human being that sent me over the edge wishing that I was going back to the stress of school at that moment. You know: when does my plane leave? kind of thing. I'm amazed by the perspective a little comparison creates.

After this bad experience I went to speak with my mom about it and told her I was concerned. I explained that everything I've done for the past few years (with the exception of going to college in general) has had a promise to be better, and almost always turned out to be an experience not worth repeating. Even the idea that 'well, this semester was hard, but I'm sure the next one will be better' has only been true once. My mother's response? "You've just had some bad luck."

... Bad luck for three years? Thanks mom. Now I'm not worried. I wonder if I broke a mirror that I've forgotten about...

Actually I am still quite excited about next semester. I have a new apartment that will give me more than three times the space that I had last year. I have new ideas for cheap/good eating too. The one thing that sincerely worries me is finding a car (specifically one that won't cause problems), but other than that I have good classes that I'm excited for, generally, Debate will be going on again, which I always look forward to, I'll have a job (as far as I know), and my current schedule will grant me all of my evenings free after 4pm. Can everyone see how good this sounds? I'm still worried.

But, I've decided to make a personality change. It will be hard, but it will be worth it. I am going to solve everything with humor. No more moping about when things go wrong, no more letting other people walk all over me and effect my mood. I will still distinguish between the appropriate times to be, and not to be funny, but I have decided to stop over reacting about everything; I will simply laugh it off. That is my resolution for today.

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Oh, and I taught Beehives yesterday at church and after class I heard one of the girls telling her mom what an awesome lesson I gave because I was so hysterical. I'll take what I can get. I may not be the most "spiritual" teacher, but I can sure make em laugh. :)

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"If you can't be chic be odd." -The Grass is Greener

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

"You are who you choose to be." -The Iron Giant

"Change will come when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pains of changing." -magnet on my friend's fridge

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Today's Featured Quote:

"When setting about a difficult task, act as though it is impossible to fail. If you're going after Moby Dick, take along the tartar sauce." -some famous football coach

Now

Two movies to start:

Addams Family: there is a meal scene where Wednesday asks, "Will you pass the salt." Her mother responds with, "What do we say Wednesday?" She finishes, "Now."

National Treasure: after the Declaration of Independence is stolen the FBI shows up and one agent mentions that someone gave them a tip that the Declaration was going to be stolen. The head man in charge asks for further information but the other agent explains that, "there was no file opened, we didn't find the information credible." The head man then asks, "How about now?"

So, what do these two movies have in common?

Answer: Absolutely nothing. But these two scenes, do have something in common. One word. Now.

My dad once told me that he thought new years resolutions were silly because you should be able to change any part of your life at any time. You shouldn't have to wait for a special occasion or a specific/designated time during the year to make a change. You should be able to make changes NOW. And, that sounds wonderful. But like just about everything in life, it's easier said than done; especially for me.

My life (especially while at college) is broken up into three segments: two semesters and a summer. And, generally speaking, each of these segments have a particular flow to them based on the schedule they include and various other points details. I agree that changes can be made at any point, but they are easier to make at a breaking point. Last semester is a perfect example. I was stressed out beyond belief for a good part of the semester because I over-booked myself with classes, an additional phlebotomy class, coaching Debate, giving tours of the state and surrounding areas to visiting foreigners, internships at the hospital, and having surgery. But even after all that calmed down to a point where there was very little happening, I found it very hard to change the pace until all my finals were turned in and I was leaving for the summer. Then, things changed dramatically...

And, once again, I find myself in a rut. I confess (and understand I make many already jealous friends angry at me by doing so) that I am not enjoying my summer in Hawaii as much as I would like. I'm struggling with some people I have to work with at my job, I'm struggling with the idea of living with my parents again for more than a couple weeks, I'm struggling with my frugality, I'm struggling with exercise/good eating, and on top of all of that I have a hematoma in my arm that hurts really bad when I extend my elbow. So, life is basically good. ;)

I know I have very little to complain about, but that doesn't explain why I always feel as though I'm making zero progress in my life. My happiness isn't always where I am, but where the path I'm on is leading me. I always have big plans...for later. I never feel as though I'm in a position to start doing what I want to do. And, for the time being, I'm almost certain that's because I'm not in charge of my life as much as I was three months ago.

I'm looking forward to school starting again. So many things that are already set up for next semester seem to have me headed in the right direction. But it keeps me waiting. I keep feeling as though I can't live NOW.

I want to live NOW. I want to live my life, my way, NOW. And I know what everybody would say to me, "So why don't you?" And I'll tell you. I don't know.

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"If you keep waiting for tomorrow, you'll find yourself with a whole lot of empty yesterdays."

"The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expect different results."

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got."

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Today's Featured Quote:

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." --Gandalf