Mind and Matter

Dr. Seuss was an amazing man. He painted with tar on the side of his house, wrote books that were turned down dozens of times before becoming some of the most popular children's books, and he inspired millions to reach for their dreams. I admire Dr. Seuss, but I must admit that I was a little concerned because of a recent quote I heard of his: “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” I was concerned because although I think this quote has potential for great good, I feel that it also has potential for great harm. I'll explain:

We live in an increasingly troubling world. Problems with popularity and acceptance spread far beyond the frightful high school hallways and reach clear into adulthood now with grown ups being held to a certain standard based on things that don't really matter (i.e. jobs, careers, financial situation, etc.). I have known people who are afraid to do pursue dreams in career fields and hobbies because of expectations others have for them. In short, there are people in the world who never reach their full potential because they are held back by what others might think. In these cases I strongly echo the words of Dr. Seuss and say "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

However, there is another side to this. Let me set up a scenario: A young man (let's call him Bartholomew) has a female friend (let us call her Lucretia) who is blunt on the side of rude. Lucretia is often so blunt as to insult people and talk badly about them behind their backs with spite and a smile. Now, I think we can all agree that gossiping about people is bad; doing so with malice is even worse. So, if that's the case, should Bartholomew tell Lucretia to stop being a jerk? According to Dr. Seuss's quote (when misinterpreted) Bartholomew telling Lucretia to stop expressing how she truly feels would give him the status of someone who doesn't matter in her life. This is the potential for harm. Sometimes, people who correct us in our errors do it not to cripple our creativity or individuality, but to keep us safe, and to help us become the people we could be and not just leave us as we are. A parent who corrects a child does it not to cause pain or to appear intolerant, but to help correct misguidance and give a child every opportunity to grow and progress so that they can become everything they have the potential to become. In these cases, I would tweak Dr. Seuss's quote a bit: "Be who you are and say what you feel, but listen to those who care about you because those who matter mind, and those who don't mind, don't matter." When someone "accepts" you as you are, it isn't always because they care. Someone who really cares about you will take you as you come, but help you move forward. Some of the best friends I've had in my life are the ones who've told me when I've been wrong and when I need to change.

Now, unfortunately, the line between these two possible interpretations is thin and individual. The biggest factor here is where the advice is coming from, because the people who care most about you are the ones who care enough to tell you when you're making a mistake. My parents wouldn't be good parents if they didn't correct me when I err...luckily they do. :) I think that if we open our hearts to help we'll find that more people are waiting to build us up then tear us down with their advice. So my advice is this: Listen, learn, grow.

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"God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we may hear twice as much as we say." --Vaea Enos

"Good things fall apart so that better things can fall together." --Unknown

"If you could taste the words you speak, would they be sweet?" --AEH

"That which we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly." --Thomas Paine

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Today's Featured Quote:

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." --Maria Robinson

Middle Ground

Robert Fulghum wrote a book entitled: All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. One story in the book talks about him going to a kindergarten class and asking all of the kids how many of them could sing. All the hands went flying up. He asked how many could dance. Again all the hands went up. He asked how many could play a musical instrument. All the hands went up almost immediately. He asked the same three questions in a college class. Each time only a few hands went up and only half-heartedly. What changed? Well, quite simply, we grew up thinking that unless we can do everything perfect, we cannot do it at all.

Another sad extreme is when we tell our children that they can do everything well. This is not true. They can do anything well that they would like to, but they cannot do everything well. This is the beauty and purposeful design of the world we live in. We are not expected to do everything well because if we did, we would have no need for other people. We are all given different talents to develop so that we can compliment, not compare each other.

We seem to be caught in between believing that everyone should be able do everything, and you have to be a professional to say that you can do it at all. There needs to be a middle ground.

Sir Ken Robinson, an education specialist from England has an amazing story that, perhaps, can help us move to this middle ground. He talks of a little girl a while ago who couldn't sit still in class. She was fidgety and hyper and couldn't seem to calm down. As a result, her school work began to suffer. Her teachers called the girl's parents and the parents took her to a guidance counselor of sorts to help them figure out what to do. The counselor studied the little girl in class, talked to her, and eventually had a conference with the girl and her parents. He explained to the parents everything he noticed about the girl as it pertained to her schoolwork. Then, he asked the parents if he could talk to them privately out in the hallway. As they were walking out, the counselor turned on the radio to a music station. Once out of the room he told the parents to watch their daughter. Almost as soon as the music was on and they had left she was out of her chair, moving to the music. The counselor said, "There's nothing wrong with her daughter. She's a dancer." It was amazing. Today, in similar circumstances, the girl would have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, given medication and told to settle down. However, this girl was put into dance school and went on to meet Andrew Lloyd Webber, becoming his choreographer for Cats and Phantom of the Opera in London.

We need to figure out what our talents are, and develop them even though they may not be what we or others may expect. But in that development, we have to realize that we may never be the next Julie Andrews, Bill Gates, or Alfred Hitchcock. We may never be the best of the best, but we will almost certainly benefit one other person at the least.

Odds are that I will never be a great athlete. I may want to be, but at this point, I will probably never get there. It's okay. I can play the piano and the flute, I can draw, paint, and write well, and I have talking mastered. I may never be more than a wife and a mother developing these talents in my spare time for the joy of being able to share them with others, but I do know that I can do these things, in case anybody asks. :)

I am not advocating boasting or bragging. I am advocating honesty. We all know our talents and if you don't, shame on you. Talents go way beyond physical things and we need to seek out our talents and better them so that we can be a compliment to society. Everybody has amazing talents, even though they may be hidden. Someone out there needs your talent. It may be you. And remember, when you're trying to find out what your talents are, don't look at other people. Look in the mirror.

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"Can we talk about something that makes me sound smart?" --Bruce Henderson

"Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations." --Edward de Bono

"Envy is the art of counting another fellow's blessings instead of your own." --Harold Coffin

"Life isn't about perfection. It's about progression." --Unknown

"If you're not failing every now and then, it's a sign that you're not doing anything very innovative." --Woody Allen

"I was put on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die." --Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

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Today's Featured Quote:

"I urge you not to take counsel of your fears. I hope you will not say, 'I am not smart enough to study chemical engineering; hence I'll study something less strenuous.' 'I can't apply myself sufficiently well to study this difficult subject or in this comprehensive field; hence, I'll choose the easier way.' I plead with you to choose the hard way and tax your talents. Our Heavenly Father will make you equal to your tasks. If one should stumble, if one should take a course and get less than the 'A' grade desired, I hope such a one will not let it become a discouraging thing to him. I hope that he will rise and try again." --President Thomas S. Monson

Feeling

Ladies, Gentlemen, and everyone else,

We have a problem: we don't get dressed up anymore, we don't cry as much, and we don't really think about things anymore. In short, we are lacking the feeling and connection in life that used to run rampant over the earth.

Perhaps it is one of the side-effects of this age of technology we live in that has taken some of the simple joys out of life. There used to be a build of anticipation waiting for a letter to arrive by mail, a disappointment when it didn't come, and then a genuine smile no one could take away when it finally came. There used to be family games with everyone sitting around a table or on the floor playing without malicious competition. People used to get excited to watch others display their talents and it didn't matter how good anyone was, it was the company that was enjoyed.

But today we have movies and video games and instant gratification everywhere in our lives. (Again, I must make a frequent disclaimer that most of technology is not inherently bad and is in fact quite useful and wonderful, but it is the over and misuse of this technology that steals away the life from our lives.) We fill our lives with ways to disconnect from the world so much so that we have lost feeling for things that really should matter. We hear about death and destruction and hardly think twice about it; our best friend/sister/etc. just got their pilot's license and all we can manage is a half-hearted "congrats." We can do better than that. I know we can.

There is grief and sadness everywhere at any given time and there is also happiness and deep feeling happening everywhere at any given time. We need to slow down and really think about things. We need to think twice before saying/doing things that might cause hurt, and we need to think outside of ourselves into how what we do and say affects those around us.

Slow down. Take a minute to really think about things, not simply let things gloss over a shield of apathy. Enjoy the happy moments and remember the sad just enough to savor the dichotomy. Let's prove to the world that we have some feeling left. :)

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"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth!" "Very good. Then the whole world will be blind and toothless." --Fiddler on the Roof

"No one will listen." "Huh? I'm sorry did you say something?" --Mulan

"The words tell you what to think, the music tells you what to feel."

"Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the human heart can hold." --Zelda Fitzgerald

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Today's Featured Quote:

"It's like in the great stories Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered; full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those are the stories that stayed with you, that meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand. i know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. They kept going, because they were holding on to something."

"What are we holding onto Sam?"

"That there is some good in this world Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for."

--Lord of the Rings, the Two Towers

The Best and the Worst

In life there are good things and there are bad things (just so you know). Here are a few of the best and worst things from my recent life:

-The best part of playing ultimate frisbee is when you barely catch the frisbee and then you have to do a ninja roll to make sure you don't drop it.

-The best part of not bruising easily is that usually when you do bruise, it is in some place really obscure like on the very tip of your left ring finger.

-The best part of playing certain songs on the piano is being able to finish with a loud, staccato chord and then lift your hands up in triumph.

-The best part of making dinosaur chicken nuggets for dinner is playing with them before you eat them.

-The best part about seeing a doctor is the funny tests he makes you do...

-The best part about wind is...oh yeah, nothing.

-The worst part of reading a book is closing the back cover and feeling like you've lost a friend.

-The best part of singing in the shower is knowing that it doesn't matter if you sing off key.

-The best/worst dreams are the ones that could actually happen.

-"The best things in life are dirty."

-The best part of summer is the warm evenings sitting out on the front lawn/porch/steps drinking a cool beverage and just talking.

-The worst part of summer is the snow. :P

-The best part of the week is a Sunday nap.

-The best part of your life is right now.

Don't waste it. :)

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"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." --Charles Dickens

"This is no time to panic." "This is the perfect time to panic!" --Toy Story

"Wait! This is the best part!" --A Little Romance

"Could be worse." "How?" "Could be raining." --Young Frankenstein

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Today's Featured Quote:

"Your future hasn't been written yet...so make it a good one!" --Back to the Future III