Rambling

There's always something, isn't there? Life is good...except for_________ (fill in the blank). I take a lot of breath saying: I'll be fine when__________ (fill in the blank). And I usually am. For a day or so. And then, well, then something comes up. It's usually a small thing; something trivial that won't matter in the long run, or something I have no control over, or two or three minutes worth of difference. I know, I know: I need to stop complaining.

My most recent status on facebook was: I'm In-de-pen-dent. Or, if it wouldn't have screwed up the movie line: I WANT to be In-de-pen-dent. I want my family to be there for me and be supportive of my decisions. I want friends who talk to me and care about me. And, eventually, I want a husband who is the perfect man for me. But for right now (given as I have no prospects) there are times when I just want to be left alone. I need my space. I need my own time and my own life; my own choices. Basically, I'm unreasonable and unrealistic. Either that or I'm moody. Or I'm upset because I lost my iPod. Yeah. Any of those are good options.

*sigh* Sometimes I wish I wasn't so messed up...

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Today's Featured Quote:

"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!" --BoM

Vampires and Choices

Well, another leg of my summer has started. I got a job last week as a Lab Assistant (Phlebotomist) at the North Hawaii Community Hospital. And, since phlebotomists are known blood suckers, they are deemed "vampires". I'm going to go out and buy some Dracula scrubs. :)

I also started a tutoring job with a high school junior. She wants to improve her academic writing abilities over the summer so I'm tutoring her through the month of June. We've had two lessons so far. I can't even begin to explain how hard it is to teach academic writing and not creative writing. I feel that creative writing is a great way to find out your particular writing style and that in turn can help you in academic writing because it gives you your own voice. I, as a Debate coach, also feel that some of the basic fundamentals of speech writing are extremely helpful in writing essays and such and HOLY CRAP THERE'S A COCKROACH IN MY BED!!!

-(seven minutes later)-

Ahem. Excuse me, was having a small nervous breakdown. I'm back now.

I'm learning quite a bit about teaching as I'm trying to help this girl and this tutoring experience will also help me get some experience and ideas for the creative writing class I'll be teaching in July and August. So, basically in about a two day period I went from having no job and doing almost nothing to having two jobs (with a third later in the summer) and hardly any free time. I would like to find a happy medium between these two extremes, but upon reviewing my previous entry about that, I don't think it's likely...

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I have decided that I am a free spirit. I do not like being tied down anywhere, by anything. It's been almost two years since I've had a job and it's hard to know that I am now completely bound by the hours set for me. Even with school I could choose not to go to class on any given day. Granted, I don't skip class a lot, but it's the idea of having the option. I don't like not having the choice. I'll give you an example: In my Educational Technology class last semester, my teacher always took over our computer monitors so they all projected the power point. Now, she didn't do this so we all could see better, she did it so we would pay attention. First of all, in my opinion, any teacher who has to force attention by taking over your monitor or grading you on attendance is obviously making up for a lack of anything valuable. Second, and more pertaining to me, it's a violation of my personal freedom. Yes, I know it sounds like a silly and dramatic thing to say but it is. It is taking away my right to choose whether or not I will pay attention in class. Given the choice, I would probably pay attention more than if the choice was taken from me. I am more inclined to go out of my way not to pay attention if you don't let me choose. Whoa, this is sounding a lot like the two plans of Satan and Jesus. Go figure. So, this is one of the reasons I am a little apprehensive about the job thing. My supervisor basically said that I don't have any sick days and if I can't come in, even for emergency purposes, I'll be on thin ice. Basically. And this is the same way for me: I wouldn't purposefully not come in to work, or lie about being able to come in to work, and I'm not anticipating any emergencies. I just hate people telling me that I can't. Apparently I'm more of a rebel than I thought. If you tell me I shouldn't, then I probably won't. If you tell me I can't, then I will want to so bad that I just might.

Aren't I a messed up child? :)

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"If I had two faces, do you really think I'd wear this one?" -Abraham Lincoln

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." -Gandalf

"Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach." -Tom Robbins

"For want of a nail the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe, the horse was lost. For want of a horse, the rider was lost. For want of a rider the battle was lost. For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost. And all for the want of a horseshoe nail." -Proverbial Rhyme

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Today's Featured Quote:

"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." -Winston Churchill

Sympathy and Choices

First, I must confess: Yes, I did change my blog. I did this for a few reasons. The primary reason being that I was ready for a change. In the same way I like to rearrange the furniture every few months, I thought it was time for blog rearrangement. I changed the name because I figured out how and that was cool, and also because my dad didn't get it. I have replaced it, but for those of you who may not have understood it either: quintessential is like saying the "epitome of" and miscellany is, of course, dealing with miscellaneous. Therefore, the title is like saying the Epitome of Miscellaneous. Unfortunately that doesn't sound nearly as good as Quintessential Miscellany, but it's okay. I have changed it now and I am perfectly happy with its new name. Undoubtably I will change it again in a few months. :)

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Now, a story:

I was sitting at the kitchen window eating breakfast and I saw a bird eating something in the grass just outside. So, being my childish, obnoxious self I tapped on the window to get the bird's attention. It looked around for the source of the noise and upon finding nothing, returned to eating. Some 5-year-old subconscious being inside of me must have thought this was great fun, because I wanted to do it again. So, once more I tapped on the window, expecting the bird to do the exact same thing. After it heard the noise again it looked up and glanced around the yard. I expected that upon not seeing anything for a second time, the bird would simply continue its meal. But it didn't. I looked around, turned it head, looked up, looked down, looked around again, but it didn't continue eating. It was scared. I could tell. Finally the bird stood up looked around very purposefully and flew away. Suddenly I felt bad. I was only having a bit of childish good fun. But I hadn't meant to actually scare the bird. I hadn't realized that my small, stupid actions would have such an effect on the tiny creature. So, that is my story for today. Just one more example of how obnoxious I can be. However, I think the fact that I felt bad afterwards makes me human and forgivable of the offense. :)

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Almost everything in our world is a matter of perception. Whether life is horrible or wonderful is based a lot on matters of opinion and point of view. Your brain is a super computer and it will believe what you tell it. I read a book--well part of a book--for my psychology class in high school. It was called What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by some really hard to remember and hard to pronounce doctor. Anyway, the book talked about people who could talk themselves out of bad habits. People who smoked, every time they went to grab a cigarette told them selves that they don't smoke, even though they knew they did. This doctor explained that even if they lit up a cigarette and started smoking, they kept saying that they didn't smoke. Eventually they would all reach for a cigarette, look at it and say, "What I am doing? I don't smoke." It was an amazing phenomenon. It is often said that if you think you can, you can and if you think you can't, you can't. People who go around saying they're clumsy are probably clumsy for the simple reason that they think they are. It sounds really basic and really cliche, but it's really true. Everything that happens in our lives leaves a mark. But we get to decide how big the mark is and how much of a part it is going to play in the big picture. Things that happen to you in life should never be used as excuses, or crutches. Recognizing that something in your life is effecting you negatively can be good, only if you then make an effort to stop it. Everybody has bad things in their lives, some worse than others. But your future has nothing to do with your past or the circumstances you live in during the present. The only thing keeping you from anything is your choice. Abraham Lincoln said that "people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." Happiness is a choice. Success and potential are choices. What will you choose?

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"What a job it is to see someone of good cheer, who when others because of an unpleasant happening or development live in angry silence or vocal disgust, meets the situation with cheerful endurance and good spirits." --Marvin J. Ashton

"In this galaxy, there is a mathematical probability of 3 million earth-type planets. And in all the universe, 3 million galaxies like this. And in all of that, and perhaps more, only one of each of us." --Dr. McCoy

"Expect the best, prepare for the worst, capitalize on what comes."

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in te universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." --Calvin

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Today's Featured Quote:

"A long life may not be good enough; but a good life is long enough."

Perspective

My mother tells me that I need to try to look prettier (wear my hair down and put on more make-up) if I want guys to like me. My father says my mother's crazy. Hmm...

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I know where I want to be. Really, I do. I could sit down and write out all of the things I want and where it is I really want to be. But in an effort to try to get there, I sometimes have to deviate from the path I would like to take for financial or other reasons. Subsequently, I seem to be getting only further away from my goals. Not that the detours I'm taking are "bad" or that the experience they provide isn't useful to my life; but it's hard to watch myself going down a road that I feel isn't leading me where I'd like to be. Some of the past detours I've taken have proved to be educational experiences that have taught me something valuable; something that turns out to be good for me. Thus, I end up having wonderful hind-sight and horrible "living in the moment" skills. I oft times seem so focused on getting somewhere that I get lost on the road. And yet, I still know exactly where I want to be; only by any measurable standards, I never seem to get much closer.

Such is my life... as always.

In the mean time, I have a job interview at the hospital tomorrow at 10 a.m. for a temporary/summer phlebotomy position. Wish me luck; I would love this job to work out for the summer.

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"In many ways the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, and yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our criticism. We thrive on negative criticism which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something; and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. The world is often unkind to new talent. The new needs friends..." --Anton Ego

"All you need is ignorance and confidence and success is sure." --Mark Twain

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." --Mark Twain

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Today's Featured Quote:

"In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity." --Albert Einstein

Paradise

My first day in Hawaii was, well, not as expected. My first view that I got of the land from the airplane was of dark black volcanic rock, which stretched for miles. Not in a bad way, but not what I had expected. The air was thick enough to cut and it was a little overcast. Still, not bad, just odd. Hawai'i is beautiful. They have all sorts of climates here. They have desert, tropical, temperate, and one that looks like the African Savannah. It's pretty cool. There is one stretch of road that looks like you are driving through Colorado. And then they have the beach. Beautiful, warm water (and it's the off season).

So, we came to the house--my father's employer's house where we're staying. I had asked some pretty straight forward questions to my dad about the house. How much room there was, would we be really crowded, appliances, shoes or no shoes, sleeping arrangements, bathroom situation, and insect inhabitants. To these questions, my father assured me the house would be nice, not too crowded, with functioning appliances, no shoes allowed, and we would be sharing a room and a bathroom. That didn't sound too bad. Then he told me they had cockroaches. My next question was when does the next plane leave. But, my father tried to convince me to stay by informing me that he only saw one cockroach every three days or so. Well, that wasn't so bad, but still, I don't like bugs. Any bugs. At first glance, the house was about what my dad had told me. Pretty nice. We had stopped off for some food and while my dad was putting it away, I went to take a shower and unpack a little. All was going pretty well until right before we went to bed. I went to brush my hair one last time and found a visitor. We named him Buford. See, when dad told me he only saw one cockroach ever three days, he failed to mention that he hadn't seen one for two days. It was not a good way to end the evening. Buford and I are not friends.

The next day, we were going to go snorkeling. And we did. But before we got a chance, I stepped on some stupid thorn of some kind. I got it out but my foot hurt for the rest of the day. Eating here isn't a big deal, but my dad doesn't do a lot of it. I do. We're working it out, but it's hard when I'm hungry every four hours and he's not. He keeps asking how we can eat the same amount of food, he is twice my size, and I'm still hungry. My answer: I don't know. We went down by this amazing little beach last evening and it was so pretty. It was so calm and peaceful and the water was warm. Very nice.

So, today I wanted to go into town--looking for jobs, check mail and such. No car. My dad has the only means of transportation. So we borrowed a bike from his employer, Tom. Bike= flat tires, rusty, broken petal(s), hurtful seat/handles, wobbly. We got the tires pumped up but on the way home I had to ride against the wind, uphill, on the bike that almost tipped over every few inches. Not so much. It's one of the few things that really get me frustrated: not having a way to get places. Until I had a car down at college, I was close to miserable. I am reaching a point of frustration very quickly about that. And yes, I know my parents are working on it. Yes, I can walk the mile and a half to town and back. No, I do not want to do that.

Anyway, this is a compilation of my first few days here. The first few days of my first experience in Hawaii.

Oh, and right now I am a woman and I am moody. :)

It will get better...

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"If at first you don't succeed, swallow all evidence that you tried."

"If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished."

"A pipe gives a wise man time to think, and a fool something to stick in his mouth."

"The Lord in his wisdom made the fly/ and then forgot to tell us why." -Ogden Nash

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Today's Featured Quote:

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with." -Marty Feldman

Play It Again Sam

This summer marks another beginning of something new. And yet, something that will probably be strikingly similar to the way things have been before. I always want to start again; whether it's the summer, a new semester, or something else, I'm always wanting to start over again. And yet, everything always seems to stay very similar to the way it always has been. I do think part of the problem is, however, that I don't know where it is I want to be; what it is I want to change. I want to be more sure of what is in store for my life beyond next week, but I don't know where I want to be. I don't know what I want to do with my major, but I want to graduate. In two years. So I can be done with school. But I have no idea what I want to be, and what I want to do. I am only going in circles. It doesn't matter where I go or what I do, I never seem to make any progress.

I feel like someone keeps whispering "Play it again Sam," when all I really want to do is hear a new song. I don't know which song; any new song will be fine for now.

Intelligence is Relative

I have just finished writing an eight page theoretical paper for my Introduction to Critical Literature and Theory class. Since the paper is written to an audience that would not have a knowledge of theory, when I reached the six page mark I wanted to read the paper to someone to test it out. I called my mom. I asked her if I could read her the paper; she said yes. I read the paper slowly (something I never do) and enunciated each word clearly. Given the nature of the paper I felt it appropriate to compensate for the conversation being on the phone rather than in person. At the conclusion of what I had written so far I told my mom I was done and she said, "Wow. I didn't understand any of that. That is really deep." She then proceeded to tell me how smart I sounded. The best part was that she seem surprised by this display of intelligence. I think she meant it as a compliment, but I can't help but feel it's because I probably don't act nearly as smart as I am. Either way, it was nice to have finally elevated myself to a level of intelligence recognizable to my mother. :)

On the note of intelligence, however, I have a complaint. Intelligence is only relative to what you are talking about. Most people would argue that a doctor has more intelligence than a contractor. Why? Is the field of medicine more important than the field of construction, or mechanics? This standard of intelligence in our society is leaning towards "the more formal education you have, the smarter you must be." People who do not excel in the maths or sciences feel that they are not as smart as people in those fields. New Flash: That statement is FALSE. Intelligence is only relative to what you are talking about. I could talk your ear off about grammar and the syntax and history of English as a language, but I don't know hardly anything about music theory and major and minor inverted chords. Just because someone is not a genius in one particular field of study does not classify them as unintelligent. Unless your only knowledge is in video games; video game knowledge does not equate intelligence. Personal opinion. Sorry.

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"If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?" -John Wooden

"Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -Calvin

"A picture is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know." -The Brothers Bloom

"Tolle. Lege = Take. Read." -Latin Translation

"In youth we learn. In age we understand." - Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

"I love Plato, but I love truth more." -Aristotle

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Today's Featured Quote:

"If we'd only stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time." -Edith Wharton