The Answering Machine

"You have reached the voice mailbox of Amy Almost Melanie Elizabeth Henderson. I'm sorry I missed your call, but if you leave you name and number, and a brief message as your own risk, I'll return your call as soon as I feel like it. Thank you."

I would think that this message would be sufficient for any person of average intelligence to understand. But no. No, after I have painstakingly thought of a voicemail greeting that is not offensive, mostly professional, and still showcases my own personality amidst the essential elements of the greeting, the phone, in all its wisdom, sees fits to add:

"Record your message after the tone. To send a numeric page press 5. When you are finished recording you may hang up, or press one for more options. To leave a call back number press 3 now."

You would think that after more than ten years of this, we wouldn't need an annoying recording of a mechanical woman's voice telling us how to do it. And, if I may point out, the original home answering machines didn't have any such instructions after the recorded greeting. So, it seems that we're digressing. We started out not needing any instructions, and now we need instructions repeated just to say our name and phone number after a beep. You've got to love technology and the "progress" of society. :)

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Appropriately, here are some of my favorite answering machine messages:

1) "This is ______'s cell, and here's a rhyme for you. I guess that I'm not here right now, but you know what to do. You can call me back later, or leave a message too. So leave you're name and number and I'll get back to you."

2) "You have reached the _________ home. Do dah. Do dah. Leave a message at the tone. Oh do dah day. Might be gone all night, might be gone all day, but we'll call back when we get home. Oh do dah day.

3) "Hi this is ______. Either I can't come to the phone or I just don't want to talk to you, so leave a message."

4) "This is you-know-who. I am you-don't-know-where. Leave a you-know-what, you-know-when."

5) "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. But we're not home right now. So, leave a message and we'll assimilate you later."

6) "Hello. I'm ______'s answering machine. What are you?"

7) "You have reached _______'s answering machine. If you don't know what to do from here, chances are I won't want to talk to you anyway."

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"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." --Albert Einstein

"Thou shalt not scowl." --Brother Petersen

"If you see me comin' better step aside.

A lotta men didn't. A lotta men died.

One fist of iron, and the other a steel.

If the right one don't a-get you, then the left one will."

--Sixteen Tons :)

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Today's Featured Quote:

"The written word is all that stands between memory and oblivion. Without books as our anchors we are cast adrift, neither teaching nor learning. They are windows on the past, mirrors on the present, and prisms reflecting all possible futures. Books are lighthouses erected in the dark sea of time." --Gargoyles